Hatred like a Burning Fire

As the days go by I'm feeling this dying hatred towards a certain type of people burn stronger and stronger everyday. After about 14 years of my life with those people, after being treated like shit, put down everyday, and neglected who wouldn't hate those people right? But is it right for me to hate the general category of those people? Well I grew up in a community filled with those people and I can tell you this if you've seen one you've pretty much seen them all. They're all alike all of them and I'm sick and tired of them being so proud and cock of themselves. What do they have to be proud of? They're not even human! They're just a bunch of barbarians that think of nothing other than themselves and personal gain. I noticed this wherever I go. Whether I'm in town in even in the country side these types of people are all the same no matter where in the world they are. As each day passes by I have this stronger urge to kill them all and wipe them off the face of this planet. I know for a fact that the world would benefit without these people so why hasn't anyone done anything about it? I dunno whatever punishment will come to those types of people someday I never thought I'd be racist towards a certain group but thanks to those people I spent 14 years with I have this hatred like a burning fire towards them that won't ever get extinguished.

Deterioration

Growing up in a very plastic and materialistic environment I can say that I've seen the world for what it truly is early than most people have. It disappoints me to see how many people in the world are blinded by what truly matters and would give up high moral values for their materialistic desires. One can not truly say they've seen the world for what it truly is until they are on the outside looking in just like how you can't see what your house looks like if you're sitting in your house all day. It sad to see people split from each other and look down upon one another because they do not wear the latest fashions or don't have the coolest gear. People that become obsessed with material possessions and social status can never really find true happiness in life. How can you be happy when you are always worrying about how to be the "in" or "popular" person? Its just sad to see people revolve their lives around such ridiculous things. I'll admit that as a kid growing up I always wanted to be one of those popular kids with the coolest gadgets but when I finally did get them I didn't feel as accomplished or as happy as I thought I would be. I live a fairly simple life and I don't want much to tell you the truth, thats why when people ask me what I want I just say "I don't know" Cause that's the plain truth I don't know what I want because I don't have that many materialistic desires. I mean of course I would like to have a fancy car and a decent house but there's nothing much that I really want cause I find that materials don't make me very happy unless it was from a friend in that case anything would be fine for a present. I wonder if there's a place in this world where material possessions and social status doesn't matter to people. Where people like each other for who they truly are and not what they have. If there is a place like that I'd sure like to find it. The world is deteriorating as people become more and more obsessed in social status and material possessions and its just a real sad sight to see.

Study, Study, Study!

So I just took my first mid term exams yesterday and let me tell you something these exams are far beyond the ones that I have taken in high school. Back in high school you could study last minute or probably not even at all and still ace the exam (I can say this out of personal experience) but mid terms in college are so much different! They make sure you have a complete understanding of everything that you were taught in lecture to the point where all of the answers are so related that you absolutely have to be sure of what you are doing in order to get an A in the class. I came into college thinking that it would be a breeze like high school but I now stand corrected. I'm pretty sure I didn't score an "A" but I know I didn't score anything less than a "C" but I won't find out until tomorrow. Besides that I scored a 5.5 of 8 on my math exam and I need a 7 of 8 to pass but I have 5 more tries so yeah. From the start of school up until now I've just been slacking off and doing all of my work last minute but now that I know what the exams are like I know how hard I must study. Growing up I always told myself that I'm going to college and I'll get my degree to prove to everyone that getting your college degree isn't affected by you background, you don't have to come from a rich family, or a smart family, you don't even need to have a family at all. Whether or not you get your college degree depends completely on yourself. People nowadays are so materialistic and so unsure of themselves that they don't believe this, they get into college thinking that because they're rich or they're popular they'll automatically get their degree, or they came to college and got into a program because their friends are in it. Well I got this far by myself. I'm in college because I want to be here and I'm in the engineering program because I want to be an engineer. I made it halfway through my trip now all I have to do is prove what I've been saying all these years. Its time I stopped playing games and started getting serious about my college education. If I continue the study habits I have now I know I'll never make it through engineering but this is where I put my game face on and start studying for real.

College

I spent my first week in the dorms before school started and I can tell you this much. I enjoy the freedom to do whatever I want but to tell you truth its kinda boring. I enjoy the food and no curfew here now that I can get used to. I thought that since I'm so close to town everyday would be some kind of crazy fun day but I guess its kind of pointless for me to think that I can really go out so often because books are crazy expensive! $4000 in scholarships hasn't been mailed yet so I have to wait until that comes in to get the $370 I spent on books back. So far its been pretty boring though. I didn't get explore town cause school didn't start yet so I didn't really meet that much new people and I can't drive yet so I'm kind of confined to where the bus takes me. Hopefully things get a lot better over the year. I start school tomorrow with math so I guess I'll have my first real taste of college life tomorrow.

A Short Circuited Brain

So I've been thinking lately about criminals and stuff. You hear and read about crime that happens in the world everyday and I wonder what makes criminals do the things that they do? I started thinking about myself when I was younger and I had the urge to steal things. The things I stole wasn't valuable it was small things like bubble gum and what not. To be honest I don't even know why I stole those things my family always provided me with everything that I needed. Come to think of it I probably stole those things out of the pure fact that I didn't have it or simply because I had the urge for something new. Although those things were small stealing is stealing but it really makes me wonder why people start committing much larger crimes. I did it simply because I wanted to and because I didn't have those things but what makes a killer kill? and a rapist rape? Are they the same as me and do those things because they want to? Or perhaps there's something psychologically wrong with them. Some people go wrong because of a bad past. I hate it when people say they understand someone when they really don't. You can never understand a person until you've gone through the same pain that they have. I'll probably never understand criminals because they all have their different stories.

A Place For Me?

Have you ever wondered if God put you in the right place? There are times where I seem to keep asking myself that same question. "Did God put me in the right place?" I wonder this because I think my bad experiences outweigh the good ones. I was never really the type of person that liked cliques and yet the place I live in is so divided by cliques it makes it almost impossible to hang with everyone. I've seen and been to so many places where people don't really care for cliques and yet I somehow end up in a place where a clique is everything. I dunno sometimes I get so sick of seeing the same people's faces everyday that I could never really stand to be in one. When I go and hangout with friends that aren't from where I live everyone is so chill with each other I wonder if God put me in the right place?

A Twisted and Tainted Image

I've noticed a lot lately how people really like to put up a show for others to twist the image of what they truly are. Some people will dress up really nice and pretend they're rich, others will dress up like gangsters and act like they're the baddest thing on the block, and others will just keep bending their image to blend in with the numerous crowds they want to hang with. It makes me sick to see these kinds of things. Why must you put on a face just to please or impress your peers? You've probably heard it several times and its totally true if you just be yourself people will like you. I'll admit that I used to put up a show to for certain people but that hasn't been for a couple of years. What makes me laugh the hardest is when guys put on a show for girls or vice versa. I see it happen all the time and I warn my friends about some people but they never seem to listen. So here it goes the guy acts really sweet to the girl and acts real gangster. Like he's a real smooth guy so they end up going out and the idiot gets dumped later cause the girl took how long to figure out he only wants to get in her pants or she just wants to mooch off him. What irritates me the most is how some of those wanna-be-gangsters come to my work place. Yeah thats right I have to deal with wanna-be-gangsters every now and then. But then again who doesn't have to deal with that kind of slime? Its the same old thing they'll come into the club and make like they're real cool, boss the kids around making like they run the joint, and then they leave to go smoke or something. Yeah thats real cool. Its cool to be a broke idiot with no future. I dunno well some of my friends including guy friends are always looking for someone to go out with. They always show me the "one" and I always tell them what's wrong with the choice. They never seem to listen and it always ends up with them dumping the "one". I haven't been seeing those so called "gangsters" at work lately but I see them around at times and I always cringe when I see them. Love is a very strange thing probably something I won't understand for a while.